Talking to Pass the Time

Posted on Thu Feb 4th, 2010 @ 1:16am by Captain Anna Johnson & Commander Dhindara Vrel

1,435 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: FORGING AHEAD
Location: Shuttle Craft

[old]

Dhindara walked back into the cockpit. She was carrying two mugs of hot chocolate. She took a seat in the chair opposite Anna and handed her one of the mugs. She didn't say anything. Anna needed to do the talking.

[new]

Anna decided the cocoa looked better than the replicated coffee she had just gotten and accepted the mug. She wasn't sure what to say. She was a bit closer to her mother than she had been her father though she had never really forgiven her for allowing her father to do what he had done. "I'm not sure what to feel right now Dhindara."

"You feel, that's all that counts", Dhindara replied. "Allow your feelings. There'll be time to make sense of them later."

"It broke my heart to see Jana there alone on that transport. At least my brothers have each other. She has pretty much locked herself in her room now." Anna said as she grabbed a tissue and wiped the tears away.

"Have you talked to her over subspace?" Dhindara asked.

"Briefly yes. She knows I'm on my way but I couldn't get her to talk to me too much. Just enough to know she needs me there." Anna answered. "She was trying to hold things together when we were talking but I knew better."

Well, if you want to squeeze that extra fraction of a warp factor out of these engines, I'm all for it", Dhindara suggested.

"I don't want to have to be repairing them on the way back." Anna said.

"Hmm, fair enough", Dhindara replied. There went her prime way of keeping Anna occupied during the trip, her mind would be busy with other things. Dealing with things was good, but not the entire time, sometimes the mind needed other things to do. "She'll be okay. And so will you."

"I'm supposed to be having reports sent here that I don't have to actually be on the base to handle. I'm not sure if you've heard the news but I'm acting XO for the time being as well. I hate leaving the Captain to handle the base like this." Anna said.

"No, I've not heard", Dhindara replied. "But that's good. I'm sure you'll do well." She took a sip of her cocoa. "If it's okay with you, I'd like you to tell me some things about your mother. Just whatever comes to your mind."

Anna shrugged her shoulders, "She did her best to take care of me and my siblings. I often look back and wonder if she was truly happy with dad. If he treated her the way he did me she hid it well. She was usually quiet and did her best to keep us quiet and always tried to make us feel loved. I'm just not sure she really knew how, faced with the consequences I had." Anna said.

"Have you had contact with her after you left home?" Dhindara asked.

"Occasionally. Mostly on birthdays, when I got promotions and such. I went home for dad's funeral several years ago. Once I got away from the bad memories I had no real desire to go back." Anna answered.

"How did your mother treat you after your father died?" Dhindara inquired.

"Things didn't change that much. We talked to each other on special occasions, sometimes between them. She seemed more distant if anything once he died." Anna answered.

"I can sense you're feeling guilty", Dhindara said, deciding to more or less force this issue into the open. "What about?"

"Don't most people have regrets at times like this?" Anna asked. At his point she had pulled a sketch pad out of one of her bags and started drawing as she talked. It was more of a subconscious thing and something she hadn't had time to do in a while.

"Regrets, yes", Dhindara replied. "Things they'd rather have done, always wanted to do but procrastinated on... but not guilt, normally."

"Regrets can lead to guilt. Guilt can be for many reasons. For not trying to change things, for not getting back to talk to a person before they died. For not being with my sister right now." Anna said as she continued to sketch.

"You couldn't have made it back to Terra in time", Dhindara replied. "Don't guilt yourself for that."

"There were plenty of times I could have gone back. I just always found an excuse not to. The only time I've been back to Earth since I graduated the academy was once on a shore leave and for dad's funeral. That's it, I have too many bad memories of that place to want to go back." Anna changed pencils and continued sketching as she talked she was pulling this image from a memory deep in her mind but was still focusing on their discussion.

"That's understandable", Dhindara replied. "Usually I recommend that people force themselves into confrontation with their trauma. In your case, I don't think that's good."

"How could I when the person I would need to confront is dead?" Anna said putting down the pencil and looking at the picture she had drawn she then set it aside and picked up the cocoa once more to take a sip.

There were ways, at least in Anna's mind. But it would require a different kind of telepathy which Dhindara knew about but wasn't capable of doing herself, and which she would only recommend in a very limited number of cases, with people much more severely distressed and traumatised than Anna. "For a victim of a shuttlecraft accident, it's generally recommended that they get back to flying a shuttlecraft soon, so they can overcome the trauma. For you, the place is connected with your emotions. That would bring up the confrontation."

"I've gone back there. I just don't have a desire to visit there." Anna said. "I've even confronted a holo-version of my father in the holodeck. Anna said looking once more at the picture she had drawn. The picture was of a woman that looked very much like Anna but was obviously not Anna. There was a sadness in her eyes which looked hollow and it was obvious the woman had aged beyond her years due to something in her life. It was a picture of Anna's mother, the way she remembered her for most of her life.

Dhindara held her hand out for the drawing. "May I see?" As Anna handed her the picture Dhindara studied it for a while. "Your mother, if I sense things right?"

Anna nodded and curled her feet in around her in the chair. She was emotionally drained and it was catching up to her as her eyes drooped a bit.

"Would you like a shoulder to cry on?" Dhindara offered.

"I don't think I could cry more if I tried. I spent four hours alone in a shuttle between Tiberius V and Typhon crying." Anna said. "I'm tired and drained from crying as it is."

Dhindara could sense that Anna was feeling the need to cry, but if she couldn't any more... maybe it was time for her to go to sleep. "Maybe you should try and get some sleep?" she suggested. "There's four bunks in the back. I'll be quiet but I'll wake you up if you have bad dreams."

Anna nodded, "Or if my brothers or sister call." She said half asking half telling.

"Yes, of course", Dhindara replied. "I can sense if you're having a bad dream from here, as you know. Would you prefer me to stay out here or go back in the cabin with you?"

"I'll let you know if I need you" Anna said and attempted to smile. "Thanks for coming with me." She said.

Dhindara smiled at her. "You're very welcome, Anna. I can't think of anyone I'd rather travel with."

"Hopefully your mind can get some rest while I sleep." Anna said as she moved back to one of the bunks to get some sleep. She had left the drawing of her mother in the area with Dhindara. It wasn't long before she was asleep, though it was a restless sleep.

Dhindara reached out with her mind. She had trained in creating illusions on Betazed. Manipulating someone's dreams was different, but then Dhindara didn't have to be specific. She focused on Anna's dreams, making them more pleasant, letting Anna sleep better. She hoped that, if Anna ever found out, she wouldn't be upset. Of course, she wasn't planning on ever telling her.

=/\\= End of Transmission =/\\=

Lieutenant Commander Anna Johnson
Chief Operations Officer

Lieutenant Commander Dhindara Vrel
Counsellor

RSS Feed