Mixed Emotions, part 2

Posted on Wed Feb 23rd, 2011 @ 6:20pm by Commander Raven Adams

1,504 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: On Typhon Station
Location: Engineering
Timeline: Current

[Holodeck]

[OLD]

Gently, the time passed. Skylar registered it, somewhere in the back of his mind. He wasn't sure where, because it wasn't something that mattered. He simply enjoyed having Raven close. He had briefly pondered whether all humans enjoyed this kind of close contact, but had discarded asking Raven about it, as it did not seem to matter. ~Did you know him well?~ He asked, after some thought. ~Or would you prefer a different subject of thought?~

He had actually used the word discussion, but it translated directly as thought. It seemed to fit better.

[NEW]

~At the time, I thought so. It was brief. Intense. Fairy Tale.~ She was almost embarrassed at the thought. ~But now I see that he said what he thought I wanted to hear. Played on my desire to be loved. It was never like this.~ She never knew it could feel so good to just cuddle with someone. But then, nothing about Skylar was like anything she'd known before. In many ways it was... She couldn't find the right word for it. She really didn't want to try. Instead, she closed her eyes and relaxed against him.

Skylar nodded, unsure of what to make of all the terminology she used. He could have asked, but simply nodded. ~I wasn't aware it would be like this. I wasn't aware anything was capable of being like this. I thought the world was supposed to be calm, and make perfect logical sense. I was wrong, and yet, I am content with this.~

Raven understood how he was feeling, yet she could feel the confusion behind his words. ~If you want to know the details, I'll share them with you. But be warned, I don't come across very well.~

He'd offered to mind meld with her and now she was ready to let him see who she was inside. She just hoped he still liked her afterwards.

~If you wish it.~ Skylar said. ~I will not push.~

~You're not pushing. I offered.~

Skylar pondered this offer. ~Are you certain? It can be quite strange, to be so well connected to another person, and there is a chance the link will not break, once physical contact is lost.~

~I'm Betazoid -- or half Betazoid -- I'm used to mental contact. I'm not worried if you're not.~

Skylar let what stood as mental barriers fall. Nothing stood between him, and Raven. Every memory. Every thought. Every feeling. Everything he knew, that made him, him, was there. He had never done this before.

Raven closed her eyes as the images and memories that were Skylar flooded through her. She took a deep breath and dropped her own mental barriers -- all but the few she kept locked away. The ones that dealt specifically with the darker side of her years as a merchant trader and the confidential parts of her job as chief intelligence officer. The rest she opened to him. It was terrifying. She fully expected him to decide he wanted nothing more to do with her.

Skylar was absolutely fascinated, and extremely overwhelmed. He didn't let go, he just simply... floated. He was assaulted with things he couldn't entirely explain, yet it seemed to make sense. He was overloaded with people he had never met. Things he had never seen. Smells. Tastes. Yet it all made sense. There was a disoriented feeling, as his brain did a full sort of memories, separating things he knew, from her. It was harder than he thought it would be.

Raven was fascinated to see the thoughts and experiences of the Vulcan. His mind was so... organized. For a while she just took it all in. She'd shared thoughts, ideas, feelings with friends in the past, but it had never been like this. Never so... open.

She wasn't sure where her feelings ended and his began. And to be honest, she didn't try and separate them. She enjoyed the feeling of them merging and separating as they learned about each other. Finally, she knew it was time to break the connection and she slowly began to pull away.

Skylar finished his last sort, and the connection snapped, with a strange snap feeling. He coughed, and took a deep breath. "That might have been wiser, with slightly more training." He said, then shook his head. "Though that was... I can't even describe it."

"I know." She was glad they were both sitting down. She felt a little light-headed. It was an odd sort of feeling. "Now what?" she asked quietly.

He shrugged. He was still holding Raven in a very comforting feeling. He still wasn't ready to let go, he decided. "No idea."

Raven chuckled softly. She could still hear his thoughts. "Well, I no longer need to be comforted, but I'm not sure I want you to let me go, either."

Skylar smiled. A full, actual smile. "Then don't squirm away."

Raven gave him an impish grin in return. "Then how do you plan on pinning me down?"

Skylar quirked an eyebrow. "There are a few ideas that come immediately to mind." He said. Somehow, he wasn't sure where, he had figured out precisely how Raven generated such an impish grin, and returned it.

She was charmed by his grin. She leaned forward and kissed him, letting her mind gently brush his. She pulled back after a moment. She wanted to stay where she was, but she was slowly becoming aware of the passage of time. "They're going to come looking for you if you're gone much longer."

"We could always hide the commbadges somewhere." Skylar said. "Or use a tricorder to emit a type of em field that would confuse, and frustrate their' scanners."

"Then they'd come to find out what the trouble is," Raven countered. "If you really want to get away, you take a shuttle out. Or lock yourself in your quarters and tell everyone you're sick." She'd tried the first, without much success. Next time, she'd warn Khiy she was taking her ship out. The second she'd never tried, although she'd thought about it a time or two.

Her eyes met Skylar's again. She had to leave. Skylar was content to sit and cuddle, but she wasn't, so it was time for a strategic retreat. "I should go."

Skylar was actively disappointed, but nodded. "As you wish." A mask fell over his face, to try and hide the disappointment, but, considering precisely how well Raven knew him, he had odds calculated into negative percentages as to how well it would work.

Raven felt the disappointment, saw the mask, but wasn't sure what he wanted from her. She knew he liked her, but not how much, and not if he liked her in the same way she liked him. Even after what they'd shared.

She sat up straight. "I made assumptions the last time and look at where it got me. I'm not going to do it again. When you decide what you want, let me know. Until then, I have to..." Her voice trailed off. Instead of completing the sentence, she stood up and headed for the door. She was making a fool of herself. Again. Why was it when her heart got involved her brain took a vacation?

"I had thought you understood that already." He said, but made no move to stop her. He remembered that she often thought she was making a fool of herself, and did not wish to offend her. "Though, perhaps, you are overreacting to previous experiences, and not stopping to realize precisely who it is you are talking with. I would like to think that the warmth and affection I have shared with you, was enough to explain."

Raven turned, not sure at all what to make of Skylar. Maybe she was overreacting, but she wanted a lot more than just warmth and affection from him. Her emotions were still raw after talking to Anna. It brought back all the old regrets and self-doubts. "I'm not a puppy, Skylar. I need more than the proverbial cuddle and pat on the head."

Skylar stood, and walked over to Raven. He placed his hand on her face, and left the holodeck with just a simple message left behind. I care far too deeply, to show you how much those words hurt.

He walked out of the holodeck.

Raven watched him go, the slow realization that she'd just made another monumental error crept over her. She was a fool and an idiot. ~Skylar...~ She doubted he heard her. She should go after him, explain... Another wave of dizziness washed over her and she sank back onto the chair.

The thought of running away for a few days was appealing. This time, however, she wished it didn't have to be alone. "Stupid, stupid, stupid," she muttered as she curled into a ball, miserable. Would she never learn?

OFF

Lieutenant Commander Skylar
Chief Engineer
Starbase Typhon

Commander Raven Adams
Chief Intelligence Officer
Starbase Typhon

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