A Concerned Friend

Posted on Fri Jul 23rd, 2010 @ 8:13am by Captain Anna Johnson & Commander Raven Adams

1,551 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: On Typhon Station
Location: Raven's Quarters

Jana had in her hand a box of the finest chocolates she could find on the station. She also managed to find some Betazoid chocolate for making some drinking chocolate. Jana took a deep breath and rang the chime hoping that Raven would talk to her. Jana knew she needed someone to talk to and she hoped Raven would talk to her.

At first Raven didn't want to answer her door. Her batting average since returning to the station was zero. But, if she didn't answer, whoever it was might contact security to make sure she was okay. Resigned, Raven opened the door.

Jana stood there a moment, "Can I come in?" Jana asked the only thing she might be projecting at that moment was concern for her friend.

Raven stepped back. "Sure."

Jana walked in carefully trying to judge Raven's mood. "I brought you some chocolates." She said. "Thought I would come by in case you needed a friend to talk to." She added as she offered the box to Raven.

Raven took the box. "Thanks." She set it on her table. "Shouldn't you be with your sister?"

"I just came from school. The last I checked with her this morning she seemed fine." Jana answered, "You however, I haven't been able to talk to you for several days and I've been worried about."

"That makes two people out of thousands," Raven said with a dry laugh. "Your sister came by earlier. She wanted me to say everything was fine -- and it's not. She's forgiven Ian and thinks I should, too, so they can get back together. I'm not quite ready to do that. She didn't lose her self-respect in this whole mess." Raven ran a hand through her hair. "Anna's upset with me and wants nothing to do with me. She could probably use you about now." She didn't add that it was only a matter of time before Anna and Ian were back together. Anna was already well on the way to forgiving Ian for everything. "Your sister was shouting her emotions so strongly a Pakled would know what she was feeling."

Jana shook her head, "My sister doesn't hate you at all. At least not when we were talking last night. She was worried about you and has been wanting to talk to you too. For the record she drank herself into oblivion the day first tried to talk to her. If something during your talk with her came back to you as hate then she was feeding off of you. She not only is horrible at blocking others thoughts but is often a sponge for others emotions. If you were projecting your anger and hate as much as you are now you just might have been reading your own hate instead of hers coming back to you." Jana said, her voice wasn't raised, she was calm and there were no loud thoughts projecting from her mind.

"There's no hate, Jana. That's all in your and your sister's imaginations -- or it's justification for what she's feeling. I'm not 100% human. Don't expect me to act like one."

For the third time today, someone had come to her wanting her to pretend everything was peachy just because they wanted to get back together with a clear conscience. Except for Jana. She was a kid and Raven wasn't going to pull her into the middle of this mess "Thank you for stopping by. Go check on your sister," she said quietly.

"Raven, anger and hate project a lot of the same feeling. I'm not asking for everything to be alright, for some people it hasn't been long enough. Others find it easier to give a second chance and if they get hurt again they would be where you are now. Each person is different, each person handles the stages after something like this differently. I'm here as a friend to listen, not to judge, but I also do know my sister well enough to know that she does not blame you for any of this and all she wants more than anything is to be able to keep you as a friend." Jana said.

"I know you mean well, Jana, but I want to be left alone for a while to deal with this. I am very familiar with the stages and I know what is going on. I appreciate the visit. I appreciate the concern, but I don't want to talk about it."

Jana had no idea of what Raven had gone through in her life, or how she was feeling. She could count on one hand the number of people on Typhon who had any idea of who or what Raven had been before she joined Starfleet. She had no desire to share that information, either. "Maybe, in a few weeks, I will want to talk, but it's not very likely. Thank you for your concern, but I will be fine."

"You don't seem fine to me." Jana said. "I know what it feels like to love and hate at the same time. To want to hurt someone back but not being able to do or knowing that if you do that it won't do any good. I know better than a lot of people." Jana lifted her sleeve and showed Raven the reason she almost always wore long sleeves. There were scars on her arm from cuts. Scars she had left on her arm she she didn't forget or make the same mistakes again.

"Oh, honey," Raven said, dismayed. "I may hate the way Ian treated me, but I'm not about to hurt him, or myself. I assume by the way you showed those to me you don't do that any more. Cutting yourself isn't going to get you the kind of attention you're looking for. I assume you know that by now." She gave Jana a sharp look. "But that has nothing to do with me or what's happened. You need to realize that not everyone reacts the way you and Anna do. Not everyone should. I have a right to be angry. I have a right to deal with this my way. Just because you took a self-destructive path doesn't mean everyone else will. You can't make everything better just because you want it to be better. Life doesn't work that way."

Raven ran a hand through her hair. Jana was using emotional blackmail and Raven didn't like that. At the same time, Jana had some emotional scars that really needed to be dealt with by Dhindara. "Look, I'm not going to say everything is fine because it isn't. A box of chocolates and a talk won't make everything go away. I'm not going to bury the hurt and let it fester. I'm dealing with it. You need to respect my right to do it my way. I'm not going to pretend everything is fine so that you and Anna can feel better." It was harsh, but Jana had taken this to a whole new level and Raven wasn't going to play that game. Not even with Jana. The girl needed to learn that some things took time to heal.

"This has nothing to do with how I feel. The only reason I'm affected at all is because it involves two people I care about. I don't want you to say everything is fine, I never said that I did. I just wanted you to talk about it. I see that is too much to ask so I'll leave." Jana said and turned to head out. If Raven didn't want friends being there for her that was her choice, but from Jana's point of view she was pushing away everyone that cared about her because one person hurt her. "And by the way for the record I'm not the one that caused these scars my last boyfriend did some of them and my father the others I've gone to counseling, I know that I will not let it happen again I just wanted you to know I understand how it is to be hurt by someone you love but never mind." Jana said and headed out the door. Her voice never had raised, she had never shown any anger toward Raven and the only emotion she might have projected during that time was concern.

Raven sighed and watched her go. What was it about that family that made them think everybody needed to talk? Raven wasn't a talker -- not when it came to personal issues. That didn't mean she wasn't working through things.

The two sisters were like peas in a pod. talk it out and everything will be fine. We'll, she'd talked with Khiy -- a discussion that would have appalled the Johnsons. It helped her knowing she had Khiy's support, but the kind of talk Anna and Jana wanted wasn't in her nature. She'd never meant to hurt the other two, but by the same token, she wasn't going to become someone she wasn't so they could fell better.

Raven changed into her black workout clothes and headed for the lower decks. She'd had enough help for today.

OFF

Commander Raven Adams
Chief Intelligence Officer
Starbase Typhon

Jana Johnson (NPC)
Sister of Anna Johnson

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